10B WEDNESDAY, APRIL 17, 2024 PRESS SUN-BULLETIN Hi, Carolyn: My only sibling recently pleaded guilty to a crime that will land them in prison for the better part of a dec- ade. My mother, our only remaining par- ent, lives near my sibling, while I live across the country with my two kids. I will be visiting my family with the kids this spring, and in preparation, I shared with my mom that I will be telling my kids, in developmentally appropriate terms, what is going on with my sibling. My mom got very angry with me and told me she disagreed. Several days later, my aunt emailed me behalf herself, her two adult kids (my cousins) and her broth- er to tell me they all feel very strongly that I do not share any details about my sibling with our extended family members when I visit them next month.
She even cally included a lie I could tell instead. They are concerned about their reputation, their (which they share with my sibling, though I do) and their ability to be respected in their hometown. There was no mention of care for me, or recognition of the challenge I am going through grieving my only sibling and their choices. I am deeply uncomfortable and by this. Keeping secrets is not how I operate and is also what led my sibling to ruin their life.
Not to mention other instances where keeping secrets has resulted in irreparable damage to family bonds. These family members and I rarely speak, and they have never visited me or my kids where we live. Even if I did feel a strong sense of duty to them, I lying about something like this to be morally reprehensible. What may I say to my aunt regarding her email? I even decided what I was going to tell my extended family about my sibling, but now I am just so angry with these family members for trying to strong- arm me into lying that hard to think straight about the situation. Emotional Emotional: This all sounds so cult, sorry.
You communicated with your mom as a courtesy, information only, about choices you are fully entitled to make for yourself. That is the baseline fact here. When she and the others (mis)took it as an invitation to weigh in on your business and encouraged you to lie they piled distractions onto the basic fact. Now you have new stress on top of the original stress, all of which will take some time and attention to manage, but it, too, is a dis- traction. The basic fact is still this: You communicated with your mom as a cour- tesy, information only.
So clear the distrac- tions and embrace the fact. Then your re- sponse becomes simple: that you will speak of this as you see Right? Because that was true all along, no matter what anyone said. You were always the last word on your own approach to this mess. Once centered on this point, the only issue left is how to present to others your commitment to self-determination. I suggest calm, polite, succinct, hon- est and utterly disengaged from any dis- cussions you intend to have.
For example, reply to your email: doubt this is hard for all of us. To be clear, I lie to anyone. It is helpful, though, to know how you all feel. See you soon, You can all strong-arming, no matter the source calmly, That, too, is a baseline fact, even as you tinker with how phrase your Email Hax at ASK CAROLYN CAROLYN HAX Family makes request that crime stays secret SANDWICHES Kubok 16 By Davide Coppo Difficulty: Solution to puzzle Kubok. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
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HAM USA TODAY CROSSWORD BY Chandi Deitmer Answer Andrews McMeel CROSSWORDS ON YOUR PHONE get our crossword app EDITED Amanda Rafkin USA TODAY CROSSWORD From Friend to (2019, Romance) Jocelyn Hudon, Ryan Paevey HALLMARK, 5 p.m. Jumanji (1995, Children) Robin Williams, Bonnie Hunt FXM, 5 p.m. Rip in Time (2022, Romance) Torrey DeVitto, Niall Matter HMM, 5 p.m. Deadpool 2 (2018, Action) Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin FX, 5:30 p.m. Paris, Wine Romance (2019, Romance) Jen Lilley, Dan Jeannotte HALLMARK, 7 p.m.
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