Chapter Text
A few minutes later, the Inquisitor’s eyes opened, and she looked to her side to see Dorian sitting back in his chair. “Dorian? What happened? Where am I?”
Dorian smiled, helping her sit up. “We’re still at the ball. Florianne shot you, remember? But you’re mostly healed now. You stopped the assassination and saved the Empress! You’ve done great things tonight. The rest have been working to secure the area and capture the conspirators.”
She sat up at the table, clutching at her side. The torn muscles and scraped bone still hurt a bit. Suddenly the memory of her being shot came over her, but she could hardly gather anything else that happened after.
“Thank you for taking care of me. I feel much better, a bit sore though.” She massaged the area over her ribs where the arrow had been, a bit of pain still lingering though the wound was healed. Dorian had bandaged it again just in case it somehow reopened, and she held her hand over the tape and gauze. “I...I need to see the Empress and the Grand Duke. Help me up,” she said, giving her arms to him for stability as she hopped off the table.
“Inquisitor, I think you should really be resting. I will tell the Empress myself that we can conclude these peace talks tomorrow.” Dorian added, matter-of-factly.
She chuckled a bit. “Oh yes, she’ll love negotiating with a Tevinter mage after a Venatori assassination attempt.”
Her body was still weak, but there was still so much that needed her attention. Her legs shook a bit as she stood, like a newborn deer.
“No, this ends tonight.” She said firmly. “It’s almost over, don’t worry,” she flashed him a fake smile, but he was not convinced, though he knew nothing he said was going to get her back into bed.
Once she was up, she gathered her things, trying to fix her disheveled state. She felt a tingling in her left palm, and tried to piece together the faint memories she had of the past hour. “Dorian, was someone else here too?” She said, opening and closing her left hand.
Dorian opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted as Bull and Cole entered the room again. Bull ran towards her, laughing heartily, as he picked the Inquisitor up in a big hug, and Dorian scolded him. “Don't squeeze her, you oaf, you might break something! I refuse to do any more healing tonight.” Dorian exclaimed.
“Boss! You were amazing, you set her on fire, then she shot you, and then I killed her! We thought she poisoned you and you were going to die. You weren’t moving, and you were bleeding A LOT, it was very impressive. But you’re all good now, so it doesn’t matter. You’re a f*cking badass!” Bull said, setting the Inquisitor back on her feet. She chuckled lightly, grasping at her side.
“Bull,” she said, playfully hitting his chest. The Qunari had a knack for making her giggle. “Yes, well, thank you for fighting alongside me. I’m glad we were able to stop the duch*ess.”
Cole reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, something he rarely did to anyone. “So much pain, and now relief. The brightness was dimming but now it is soft, like moonlight. I am…glad you are okay again,” he said, removing his hand.
She nodded kindly and the four of them continued talking as she fixed her clothes, before they separated as the Inquisitor went to join the Empress.
---
With the Inquisitor present, the peace talks went over relatively smoothly, with Empress Celene continuing to rule since the Inquisitor had uncovered incriminating charges against both the Grand Duke and Briala.
Within an hour Empress Celene was addressing the ballroom once again about the future of Orlais. The nobles gathered at the ballroom floor, which had been quickly cleaned by the servants, much to Josephine’s surprise. Cullen had a stable guard rotation posted across the hall and was given command of some of the Orlesian guards as well to aid in security. Leliana had left the palace and continued to pursue any stray assassins with her scouts, Sera, and Varric. Cassandra and Vivienne had returned to the Marquis’ villa with the wounded, tending to them in the barracks.
The Empress stood before them all, regal and calm, as she thanked the Inquisitor for her invaluable deeds that night. Together, they addressed the crowd, and the room was filled with uproarious applause. Cullen watched the Inquisitor, her face full of life again and an elegant smile gracing her lips. His heart skipped a beat, part of him wishing he could join her up there, stand at her side as she spoke of the future, but he maintained his position at the other end of the hall, watching from afar. Anything I do, I do for both of us.
Much to the surprise of the Inquisition members, once the speech concluded, the celebration was in full swing once more, and the nobility seemed to have forgotten the chaos of the past few hours. To them, it was but a strange memory. It relieved the rest of them, though, and everyone felt the tension dissipating as the night began to wind down. This was a great victory for Orlais, the Inquisition, and another success over Corypheus. The Inquisition set out to maintain order, and tonight they had ended the War of the Lions.
The Inquisitor had gone to a separate room to change out of her armor and back into her formal wear. But as soon as she finished and rejoined the hall, she was bombarded by nobles trying to introduce themselves and celebrate her amazing deeds. Despite her exhaustion, she managed to put on a regal countenance, and Josephine immediately flew to her side to help her with managing the negotiations and dealings each noble seemed to fling at her.
After another hour, Cullen had lost sight of the Inquisitor, and now that his guard rotation was stable, he made his way back across the hall to search for her. He was eager to get away from his post, where several nobles kept coming by to flirt with him and even get their hands on him, commending them for his bravery and ‘saving’ them from the assassins. He noticed that Marquis Etienne was no longer anywhere to be seen, nor were his guards that were accompanying him. Even Dorian, Bull, and Cole were no longer in the Royal Wing, and Josephine was preoccupied with the nobles’ handouts. The chance to escape was welcome, but Cullen prayed to the Maker that the Inquisitor was still around somewhere.
He came upon a balcony with the doors open, and found another woman chatting with the Inquisitor. The other woman was a unique beauty, with a dark and mysterious aura, but the Inquisitor was all he had eyes for. His Inquisitor.
She was bathed in moonlight and had freshened up since he last saw her. She was radiant as ever, like a gently twinkling star. Nevertheless, her face was tired; though she was happy to be chatting with the other woman, a deep exhaustion embedded itself in her every expression. Cullen desperately wanted to hold her in his arms, to comfort her, to console her.
The conversation wound down and Cullen found himself hiding behind the curtains out of their sight. As the raven-haired woman exited the balcony, she caught a glimpse of the Commander and nodded to him knowingly. He gulped, passing by as he went to the balcony.
When he turned toward the Inquisitor again, he finally caught the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. How was it that every time he saw her, he still had his breath taken away? He stood in awe of her, hoping it would be alright if he found himself at her side once more.
Just a few hours ago she was laying before him, bloodied and exhausted, grasping his hand like a lifeline. And then she was here, alive and well, and as beautiful as ever. Though her beauty was inhuman, something about her standing there, staring out into the night, made her feel all the more real to him. It was not the Inquisitor he was seeing in this moment, just the woman he loved.
Cullen carefully strode over to her with slow steps as she leaned against the railing, summoning the courage to go closer to her. Through the events of the past week, he was hesitant, wondering if she would want to see him right now, but he approached regardless.
“There you are, everyone’s been looking for you.” He planted himself beside her as she carefully glanced over to see him. Despite the events of the past two days and everything she’d gone through, Cullen was surprised to see her face awash with relief at the sight of him. “Things have calmed down for the moment. Are you alright?” He asked.
Her face contorted a bit, as if she was going to tell him everything that had happened, the words about to spill from her mouth. At Skyhold, when they had time to spare, they would just spend hours talking about their day. That was before the whole mess with him peeping on her, then the guard rotation he had messed up, and finally the passionate night they shared together in her tent. Then there was that damned Lady Camila whose presence had shattered their fragile footing, only to find themselves falling deeper in love while everyone around them told them “don’t do that now”. These past two days, whenever she had ignored him, it was the most alone he had ever felt.
He missed Skyhold, he missed her voice, he missed spending all night under the hole in his roof talking about everything and anything with her. He could almost hear it in his head: “I was shot with an arrow, I thought I was going to die, I murdered the duch*ess, saved Celene, and now I’m supposed to rejoin the party like everything is fine. But, thank the Maker they have profiteroles.”
She didn’t say that, however. She just faked a smile and said, “I’m just worn out. Tonight has been…very long.”
Cullen hummed in agreement, unsure of how to proceed, and looked off into the distance. “For all of us…I’m glad it’s over.” He glanced at her once more, but she wasn’t looking at him.
“I think…we should probably talk.” She said, and Cullen’s heart sank. She said it in a way that made him fear something he had never considered: that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. This was certainly not the conversation he was hoping to have. Was this the end of it? Second to her dying, this was his biggest fear, he realized.
Cullen gulped. “Of course, what would you like to talk about?” He tried to say, as calmly and evenly as he could muster.
“Us,” she said plainly, and Cullen felt his knees ready to buckle beneath him as his anxiety crept up like hands grabbing at his body.
“I see…” He said. “Is…” He could hardly bring himself to get the words out. “Is this it, then? Is it over?” He asked, hand already rubbing at the back of his neck before he noticed he was doing it. He braced himself for her response.
Suddenly, he felt a hand come up to his face, and she turned him to look at her. Tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes, her face completely bewildered. “Oh Cullen,” she said. “I could never leave you.”
He meekly crumbled into her touch, his face pitifully contorting as a rush of emotions crashed over him.
“But...” she pulled her hand away, and Cullen felt a sudden coldness in its absence. “Maybe that’s the problem. I can’t leave you, but I have to be the Inquisitor. No one else can do it. And there are a lot of things I have to do, things that I’ve done, that I don’t like doing…and I’m not sure this is what’s best for you.” She turned to him again, trying to muster her strength and speak with confidence. But, when her eyes met his golden irises, her resolve nearly shattered. She turned away from him, ashamed, as she continued.
“Being with me...is not something I would wish on anyone. Not only are you in constant danger, and there are enemies everywhere waiting to strike me down, but I must be the one to face them. I am asking you to rethink this. I can’t give you everything you want, or need- it seems like I can barely give enough to the Inquisition, to the people. The more I give, the less there is left of me, and the more alone you’ll be in the end. I’m terrified of the thought that you could be hurt because of me, or that if I should fall to Corypheus, if I should fail, you will…”
The Inquisitor trailed off, unable to even utter the thoughts to life. “After what everyone said the other night, the more unsure I feel of the future. I will not ask you to stay with me. Perhaps your love is misplaced, perhaps you have mistaken it for duty or admiration. But since I cannot bring myself to leave you, I ask you to reconsider. I simply cannot be enough for you, I can hardly be enough for the whole world...”
She turned her head away, trying not to cry, to swallow her pain as the Inquisitor should. She felt the breeze on her face, colder than it had been a moment before, and a chill ran up her spine. She was waiting to hear the sound of his footfalls walking away, feeling betrayed and hurt.
Cullen did not let her turn away for long, however, as he coiled his arm around hers and pulled her back to look at him. He watched as silver tears rose to her red eyes, and she fought them back with all her strength. His face was twisted with betrayal, pain, and hurt. But that all fell away instantly, and she saw in his eyes only compassion.
“Oh my love, who made you think that you didn’t deserve to be loved? Who convinced you that you had to take on the whole world by yourself?”
He quickly pulled her into his arms and wound her in a tight embrace. “Cullen!” She gasped, surprised by his sudden motion, the tears in her eyes already falling on unexpecting cheeks. His arms were strong and warm, and she wanted so badly to sink into them, but she had to remain strong.
She had always been stubborn, and with everything that had happened, she had convinced herself that being the Inquisitor meant she had to be unhappy, that her sole duty was to the people and she could leave no room for herself- her wants, her needs, her heart.
She tried to wrestle from his grasp, wriggling in his arms, but he stood firm.
“Cullen, please, they might see,” she resisted him half-heartedly.
“ I don’t care. ” He said. She was shocked by his commanding tone. He had never been so forward or confident with her before.
“Cullen, we aren’t supposed to...”
“I don’t care,” he repeated. Gentler this time, the voice of a man who was just grateful to be holding her. He said, planting a kiss to the top of her forehead, gritting his teeth behind his lips in frustration. It hurt him to see her feeling so unsure, so fearful of herself and the rest of the world. While he understood her fears, he would not allow them to dictate their relationship.
She surrendered in his arms, letting all her exhaustion take hold as she leaned into him.
“Cullen, it will be difficult to be with me, I...”
Cullen scoffed, then pulled her off of him for a moment to look her in the eyes.
“And do you really think it won’t be difficult to be with me? An ex-Templar, lyrium addict with a marred past and a talent for violence and war? A Fereldan soldier with no money, no title, no land to his name? If it weren’t for you, I would have nothing. I would never be able to fight this on my own, you have been there for me every step of the way. I have nothing to offer you, Inquisitor, except my life and my heart. If you said that wasn’t enough for you, there would be nothing I could do.
“And even if you accept, you must know, I certainly have no talent for loving someone correctly. It’s not a skill I’ve ever allowed myself to practice. I’m bad with words, terrible at flirting, I don’t know how to act around you, and I feel like I’m on fire when I see you with other men. I need you all the time, to the point it might be worrisome, and I don’t even know how to control my body once I have you. I’ll have to learn how to love you properly, to be the kind of person you need, one who is worthy to be by your side. I’m going to be crap at it, for a long time I think. But even if it takes all my life to learn, I would rather try and fail than never get the chance to love you at all.”
She bit her lip, lost in his words. No one had ever felt this way about her before.
“Yes, it may be difficult to be with you because of your status. You are the only one who can be the Inquisitor, the only one who can defeat Corypheus. You have to carry the whole world with you. But please, do not send me away. Do not decide for me what is best just because you are afraid I may not be ready, let me worry about that. And if you are not ready, then I will wait. If I cannot be there with you, let me be there for you. Let me stay by your side, let me help with what I can.”
She stared at him, his golden eyes glistening with silver moonlight, as he poured his heart out to her. His face was gentle, soft. A little hurt, but he was genuine at every word.
“When the horrors of this world come knocking at our door...” she started, repeating what he had said to her the other night.
“I may not be able to stand beside you,” he finished. “But when you must go, let me be the one waiting for you to come home.”
She smiled at him, her worries fading from the lines in her face.
Cullen pressed his forehead to hers. “I know it’s foolish, but I was worried for you tonight. I thought I was going to lose you, lose everything. I couldn’t think straight when they told me you’d been shot, and I was angry that there was nothing I could do. But here I am, waiting for you to come back to me, and you did. I’m so relieved.”
She co*cked her head to the side. “You were there?” She asked, and he nodded shyly. “You were there...” she realized, remembering whose hand she held as she slipped in and out of consciousness. She remembered calling out for him, hoping he would be there to hold her. And it was him who fed her the health potion when she could hardly drink. He never let go of her, even for a moment. She wrapped him up in her arms, pressing the side of her face to his chest. “You were by my side, Cullen. You always have been.”
Cullen sighed, hugging her once more. “I told you, Inquisitor, I am no legend, no amazing Commander, and I will never measure up to you.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead once more. “I am just a flawed man who is deeply, hopelessly in love with you.”
“I just...I want you to have everything you deserve. I want you to be with someone who can give you their everything, who has earned your love.” She looked up at him, big eyes dark and pleading, awaiting his answer.
“Silly woman,” he said, smiling. He swept a lock of her from her face, caressing her cheek. “What pieces of yourself you have given, they’re already everything to me. I would not already love you if you had not earned it,” he said, once more repeating the words she had spoken to him in her tent the other night.
He smiled, running his thumb over her cheek.
“I understand why you say these things. But I love you, and I want to be with you. And tonight, I was so afraid to lose you...I’ve spent so many years holding people at a distance so I could do my job and not get attached. I spent my whole life fearing that I would lose everything I worked for, everything I loved, that I thought it best to just have nothing at all. But tonight, I realized, that’s all the more reason to hold you close while I have the chance.
“We are both bound to the Inquisition and to our duties, but when all is said and done, I would be happy just knowing that when you return, I am yours, and you are mine. We can keep it a secret, if you like, if it eases your worries. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. If you still love me, I want to be with you however I can, for as long as I can.”
“I do love you, very much, Cullen.”
“I love you.” He bent down, kissing her gently. “I think we are just two fools who fell in love and have a hard time letting ourselves be happy.”
“Agreed,” she said, rising up to her toes and kissing him deeply. “I hated putting space between us. I was so angry about Lady Camila, and I lost my composure. I know what I have to do as Inquisitor is not always pleasant, for either of us. I thought if I pushed you away it would save you from all the heartache. This is all so new to me, and I’ve never cared for someone like I do for you...it scares me what comes next.”
“There will be many dangers and challenges ahead. But as long as you’re there, I can bear it.” Cullen said, kissing her once again. “We...don’t have to talk about it now, but I do want a future with you, a life outside of the Inquisition, whatever that may mean for you.”
The Inquisitor was speechless. She looked into his golden eyes, and she felt her heart skip a beat. “Oh Cullen,” she said, kissing him passionately.
They kissed again and again before eventually falling into each other’s arms, gently swaying. Suddenly, a thought came to Cullen, and he stepped away from her.
“I may never get a chance like this again, so I must ask...” He said, bowing before her with his arm outstretched. “May I have this dance, my Lady?”
The Inquisitor smiled, placing her left hand in his. His touch was familiar, and she grasped his hand once again, the hand that had saved her, that had never left her. “Of course. I thought you didn’t dance?” She said.
He held her left hand in his grasp while his other hand moved behind her waist, pressing her to him. “For you, I’ll try.”
